So life can really suck sometimes with a brain injury. Something so simple as getting a coffee, a pretty simple every day activity, can turn into a huge event. Here is a story about a recent experience to my local coffee shop.
I wake up. I do my routine. My eyes are drawn to the bright blinking of my cell phone. I see I have a new message. I read it as I head to the bathroom. It's an email from my wife it goes like this.
"Hi Love!
I hope you have a fantastic day
No need to cook tonight. No need to shop as we have lot's of food.
Your "unnamed coffee shop" card is full. You are love, love, loved.
Today your going to workout, clean the bathroom and look at your tasks. If your not sure of what to do let me know and I can guide you.
Xoxoxo
Wife"
While an email like this may seem controlling, or condescending or over informing, to some. For me this provides me with a direction to focus my attention. Without this information. I often "flood" I think of all the things that could possibly be done in a day.
Without these reminders, or directions. I will often spend hours. I mean literal hours with my brain filtering through all the options of what could be done in a day. Or looping. when my brain goes round and round, like a skipping record. I can't control it can take hours sometimes, it often keeps me awake as I can't "turn off" my brain.
So I put on some appropriate pants and shirt. I head to the elevator. The door opens. There are people in side. I go to swipe my key fob so I can go to the appropriate floor. I forgot my keys. Ok go back and get my keys. I jump out before the elevator closes. Im sure that looked odd to the people in the elevator.
I go back to my apartment and step inside. I see my keys in the key tray. I know I need my keys. I have no idea why. I stop. Ok I got my keys. I am dressed to go outside. I was going somewhere.
I go and sit down. I look at my notes. I turn on the news. A coffee would be good. Right a coffee. Ok I got keys, I am wearing pants. Im good to go.
On my way out the door I see a reusable cup. This triggers a memory. Right use the cup. I grab the cup. I got my keys. I got pants. Let's do this.
Head to coffee shop. Jump in the elevator and walk to the coffee shop. I get to the shop and I place the cup on the counter.
The cashier asks me "do you want to try the (place confusing name of a coffee beverage here)"
"uhm, uhm.........I just want a coffee"
"tall or grande" she asks
"oh, I'm uhm......."
"tall or grande" she asks again.
"uhm. what fits in my cup. I brought my cup. ill just fill up my cup"
coffee person "well it fits both"
'Ok just uhm the one that fits in my cup". She steps back and goes to fill out my coffee. there is a line up behind me. I don't know why but I'm feeling like I'm doing something wrong. The world seems to slow down.
I get my coffee and I walk to the sugar and cream station. The coffee cup is only half full. I am confused. I thought I asked for a coffee in my cup. Why do I only half a coffee?
I get back in line.
Ok my turn. "can I get my coffee filled to the top"
"oh you want said you wanted a tall"
me " I don't think I asked for a tall. I don't know what that means. I have a brain injury. I would have asked for my cup to be filled"
Coffee lady. "well a tall is our small and a grande is our medium"
"i just want the cup I gave you to be filled with coffee. I don't know what size this is, I am sorry I just want coffee in my cup"
She grabs my coffee with commentary force. Fills it up. Puts it down with enough force that some of it overflows. "next" she reaches past me to the lady behind me. I have not even got my coffee yet.
I walk to the sugar and cream station. I am frustrated. Did I do something wrong? was I not clear?
There is to much coffee in my cup. it overflows when I fill it up with cream. I "flood" I put the lid on. and I walk out. I drip coffee everywhere. I just want to go home.
I get to my elevator and I start to cry. Why is getting a cup of coffee so hard.
Just another day with a brain injury.
